You gonna give up yo' fancy fooseball friends!

Ahhh, Football season is fast approaching. You can hear Chris Berman's voice carrying on the wind, churning out the new ridiculous nicknames for your favorite playmakers. Inspired by friends making their own predictions for the upcoming seasons on their own blogs, I've decided to make my own (remember, "inspired" means "stealing"). As I don't have the time to make an in-depth analysis of each conference, I'll just do conference champs and wild cards.


AFC East Champs - New England Patriots - I know a lot of people would call this a no-brainer, but I think that the Jets might give them a run for their money in the East. Not to mention the fact that they lost Charlie Weis to a life of mediocrity on NBC at Notre Dame. They also had to say bye-bye to the heart of their defense, Teddy Bruschi. However, I believe that New England will go 13-3 and, once again, slap the Colts around in the AFC Championship.

AFC South Champs - Indianapolis Colts - I love this team, and I hate them at the same time. A lot of people blame last years AFC Championship molestation at the hands of the Patriots on Peyton Manning. No, sir. Manning played his ASS off in that game. In fact, I think he was the only one actually playing. Maybe aliens stole their talent in an attempt to beat the Looney Tunes in an intergalactic football game. Whatever the case, the colts will still own the AFC South even though Indiana is about as south as Illinois.

AFC North Champs - Pittsburgh Steelers - The Browns suck. The Bengals are on the rise, but still suck. The Ravens will be maybe two or three games over .500 by the end of the season with assistance from the Lewis Crime Syndicate. The Steelers have a phenomenal defense, and a more than solid offense behind rookie-sensation and future NFL stud Ben Roethlessberger (I still don't know if I can spell that right). Yes, I think Big Ben will be a football great. He benefits from having a great team around him and one of the best coaches in the league backing him. I really think that these are the guys to beat this year and that they might be the ones to bring down the Pats in the AFC Championship.

AFC West Champs - San Diego Chargers - Much like their NFC counterparts, this division is just awful. Like USC in the Pac-10, the Chargers are the only good team in a conference full of JV High School football teams (BTW USC, you have to RE-peat before you can THREE-peat...LSU 2003-2004 anyone...anyone). Don't say the Chiefs, either. Vermiel's system has one year to work before everyone figures it out and it never works again. Don't get me wrong, the Chargers would be contenders in any of the divisions in the league, but they're not AFC champs. Not this year anyway.

AFC Wild Cards - New York Jets and Houston Texans.
NFC East Champs - Philadelphia Eagles - My hopes say Cowboys, but reality says Eagles. I love McNabb, and the organization earned my respect for not playing TO's games, but the fact still remains that Philly, next to New York City, ranks as one of my top hated cities of all time. I really don't want the Eagles to win, not because I dislike the organization, but because I don't think the city deserves to win a championship in anything. Their fans are horrible, because they boo their own team. Nevertheless, Reid is one of the best coaches in the league and McNabb is a great QB. I know he choked, but keep in mind it was his first Super Bowl and he played against arguably one of the greatest teams of all time. My only hope is that TO does his job and becomes such a cancer that the team collapses from within, which will probably happen next year if not this year.

NFC South Champs - Carolina Panthers - I flip-flop on this one, just because it could go either way. New Orleans and Tampa Bay are jokes. I really think that the Falcons got lucky last year. They are a one-trick pony with Michael Vick. If Vick lets the Ron Mexico jokes get to him, mark my words they will be coming, then the Panthers will eat them for lunch. If Vick plays though, I see them only being a game behind Carolina with perhaps a wild card berth.

NFC West Champs - Seattle Seahawks - It's almost like saying who was the best Curly-substitute on the Three Stooges. The West is, clearly, the worst division in the NFC as well as the AFC. I say Seattle, because, if Hasselbeck plays football and not whatever he was playing last year, they have the best offense in the division. The Cardinals are on the rise, but anyone who says they are serious contenders need to be punched in the groin. St. Louis might pass the Seahawks, but past years have shown that Dick Vermiel was the engine that made that car run.

NFC North Champs - Chicago Bears - Another example of someone who can't be fair and balanced when it comes to his team. In typical Chicago fashion, I predict the Bears will win every game this year and win their first super Bowl since 1985. C-Benz, a cool name that I have given our No. 1 pick, will be a great shot in the arm for this offense. I'm not at all afraid of Chad Hutchenson starting, who threw pretty well when he wasn't running for his life after his O-line shattered like glass. I think Thomas Jones is one of the unsung heroes of this team (I also think that the stadium should play "It's not Unusual" when he scores a touchdown). The defense is solid and, if the offense finally plays, the Bears will have a winning record and a Super Bowl ring. That being said.....no seriously, it'll be the Vikings.

NFC Wild Cards - Atlanta Falcons and Dallas Cowboys.

NFC Champs - CHICAGO BEARS (no, seriously...Carolina Panthers)

AFC Champs - Pittsburgh Steelers

Super Bowl Champs - Pittsburgh Steelers